I recall sitting in the bedroom breastfeeding my newborn baby boy early one morning,
He had the most kind, gentle eyes – it was the first thing I noticed about him after his birth, after the doctors had managed to get him breathing for the first time.
There was something about this little guy that saw me really feel the shifts within myself.
I had experienced many shifts in my life prior to this, sure, but I’d never truly felt them until he was in my arms.
They were more intense, more frequent, deeper than I had ever thought possible.
As I sat there nursing him in the room, a strange vision popped into my mind.
One that threw me a little, one that made me think, why am I envisioning this…envisioning less than I have right now in my life. Here I am married, with a family, living in our own home, working towards more. All the things many of us wish for in life, life’s little checklist so to speak. Yet it was at that time that I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Was it due to the mild post-natal depression I was experiencing from a pregnancy that I didn’t enjoy and a birth that took a different route than I had hoped for.
Was it more of my past rising up to the surface that needed more of my attention.
Was it from me taking a step back from myself once again and not showing up as the person I needed and wanted to be in life.
All I could picture was myself sitting in this room with four walls, my kids, my computer, my camera and the bare essentials.
And that the only way out of this room was to use my voice through written word and images. Which was strange, as I hadn’t started to write in any way at this time, and I had just began my journey in photographing women.
This vision had been forgotten about, until just the other week when I was talking with a good friend about life as it is now. Here we are, all sitting inside our own four walls, with our essentials items (ok for many of us, we have way more than the bare essentials), I have my kids, my computer & my camera. The work I was doing, the work I had planned to do…at this stage can not be done….Ha.
All I have, is what I have with me now, the idea’s that fill my mind and it’s brought me into this strange sense of peace, excitement and wonderment of possibilities.
Back when I had that vision, my life was not bad by any means, I was just not expressing myself, my true self and that’s what was suffocating me. As I began to express myself in ways that felt right for me, things started to change, and in the end, a lot changed. I became a different person, life started to look and feel different and I started to feel more free…I started to come home to self.
And maybe, just maybe, the simplifies of life right now is giving us all the space and the chance for more self expression. To not fill our lives with more stuff, things…but to become more connected to self.
To express oneself is to live a life of truth. Everyone deserves to be free to express in ways that fills their soul and lights them up. There are so many ways to do so…so find your way, and allow those close to you to do the same.
There’s no right or wrong way….just your way. Explore, Express and Experience life as it beautifully unfolds.
My son is one who knows how to express himself well.
He expresses himself through his words even when he doesn’t understand fully what’s going on inside of him, he is very aware of his feelings and he’s not afraid to speak his truth. I love this about him.
His entrance, his existence in this world, was to teach me to do the same for myself.
Our kids are here to teach us a lot about ourselves, rather than the other way around.