Near the end of 2021, 3 big things happened in my life that were out of my control. One after the other. My heart felt so heavy.
I walked into 2022 with my suit of armour on, not letting any of it touch me. Pushing through it all. Continuing on as though all was fine with me. Jumping into doing another photographic exhibition, at the same time as another dance performance, and signing up to a PT. Giving me something to focus on.
I stayed put, kept smiling, changing nothing and adding more.
A whole year of becoming dissociated with my body, which saw me gain 10kg. My protection coat you could say. I was deaf to what my body was saying and blind to what I was giving it. Constantly waking up with a sore jaw from clinching. Frequent headaches, always tired yet unable to sleep, cycle whacked and felt like I’d lost all creativity. I was no longer the woman I’d worked so hard to get back – I turned my back on her.
Come the end of January 2023 I hit a wall – Emotional burnout.
My body could no longer take it, so it stopped me in my tracks – a forced break. I had zero choice in that moment but to face the pain, grief, betrayal. Removing nearly everything from my life. Going right back to complete basics.
Just me & my kids.
Giving every moment to getting better again.
Day after day just resting, scanning through my life.
Looking at who I had become. Writing for myself.
And finally releasing all the built up emotions, my body was holding on so tight not to feel. Finally using the tools I know work.
One day my daughter was laying there cuddling me and I promised her I would be ok. I said “I don’t when, but I promise you on the other side of this is going to be really good for us”.
Bit by bit things started to improve.
Listening to EVERYTHING my body was asking for.
Good food. Movement, even if just a little. Quiet, rest, music, emotional release, touch (from self).
When I was ready, I put myself back into the world.
As I got my health & energy back, my creativity came back and everything started to flow again. Clinching stopped, headaches gone, sleep on point, cycle flowing & symptom free. Weight is slowing dropping naturally. I’m yet to hit fitness like I use to.
It’s very rarely the food we eat that makes us sick and more the way we’re living that does.
It’s the environments we choose, the emotions we hold in & the choices we make for ourselves everyday.
All expressed through our body’s symptoms, how we speak out to the world, and what’s really behind the smile. When we make better choices for ourselves, and life happens that’s out of our control, we have a better foundation to stand on.
One night, later that year, I was sewing with my daughter and we were laughing at something. She said to me…
“Do you remember you promised me you’d get better and life would be good for us again – you did it”. (happy tears followed)
These words hold me to even more promises I’ve made.
We do it for ourselves yes, but it’s ALWAYS bigger than that – it’s for our children.
What do you want your next chapter to look like?
Join me at PULSE – It Starts With You
This Sunday, 30th March – My place.
Book your seat here.
https://www.theartofself.co.nz/events
23
Mar