I remember saying years ago how I’d love to get back to my old self again, describing my old self as happy, smily, fun, cheeky, chilled, calm. Whenever I thought about this self I wanted to get back to, I felt a little homesick, like I just wanted to go home where it felt good. And although I had a deep knowing I could get there or at least try, there were times I wondered if I could actually make it back there again. Back home to self where I felt happy.
I know life will always shape you into a different person as an adult than you were a child, your experiences will do that to you, but I also believe you never loose the child in you. The child in you is bursting to get out, to break free so you can feel free again. This is the part of you who is tuned into you, who knows what you want, who doesn’t hold back on going after what you want.
To be honest, I’m not sure if everyone feels this way, or if it’s just felt more strongly by those who have been through trauma and who want to get back to their old-selves again…When I think about it, I bet there are so many mums who feel like this after having babies, who feel like they have lost themselves during the motherhood experience. But either way, it’s how I felt and I can now say that you can get back to self, you can get back home again…while having your kids too.
Today I feel more free than I have done in so long. I love being home, home with self.
Haha I may not be totally super chilled, calm, fun as I was, but I’d say that has a lot to do with having a tribe to care for, but I am enjoying how free I feel now, in my mind, in my body and in my soul.
Not every day is amazing and beautiful and not every day I’m smiling and loving on life – I’m human after all. But overall I am happy with where I am and who I am, and to me that’s good enough for today.
Everyday I am learning more about me, and I do this, yes to feel free, but also so I can pass down what I learn and experience with my learnings to my children as they go through life themselves. I want them to be free to have conversations with me as they learn to navigate themselves through life. I won’t have the answers for them, that is for them to work out, but more so to have the conversations that get them thinking and feeling into life experiences. Plus I believe my actions will be what they learn from more than anything else.
Right now, I’m learning about Trust and Rejection….haha sounds like some heavy stuff hey, don’t worry it’s not really. It’s just me becoming more aware of myself and things I want to shift within and two things that many people struggle with.
Trust is a choice no matter what you have experienced or have been shown, you get to choose if you want to trust or not, it’s that simple really. To know that things are for ever changing and to have trust in the process of life, to have trust in the change of people, to have trust you will be guided to what is meant for you.
And rejection is something that must be apart of our life. To both give and receive rejection. If we don’t reject anything, anyone or a situation, then where is the value in this, what values do you stand for? At times we must reject things to make space for other things, to choose one thing over another simply because the desire for one is more. It sees you speaking your truth, it could see you going up against another for the job of your dreams even if that could mean being rejected yourself. Rejection is there to show you there is something else better fitted for you and it’s about bringing trust into knowing that too. When you can accept that rejection will always be apart of your life, it becomes a little easier to sit with it.
The more I looked into who I am and where I want to shift within, the closer I got to being home with self again.
And the times where I stop working on myself, the times I don’t nurture myself and allow all the noise of everything else to come in, are the times I can feel myself moving away from home again.
Home is where the heart is…which is love.
So bring more love to you and you will make it home.