It’s been some time since I shared a personal post and I’ve been sitting with this one for a while now. Yet the last few days has been coming in strong. So here it is…
In my early 20’s I gave up smoking. I’d tried for a while to give up with zero success.
Then one night, as I went to have one, my body rejected it and I felt really sick – I didn’t touch another or even wanted one again.
In my mid 20’s I took myself off the concracption pill as it didn’t feel right for me. I wanted my body to experience natural periods every month so I could learn how my body naturally flowed.
Come mid to late 20’s I stopped dieing my hair. I could never find a colour that suited my skin colour more than my natrual hair did. Plus I had a hard time giving up 2/3 hours of my time for something that would only last 6 weeks.
My early 30’s saw me requesting a homebirth as I knew I’d feel more relaxed in my own space, with my own bed and trust in my body to do its natural thing.
When I reached my mid 30’s I stopped watching TV. It didn’t fulfill or relax me and I had other interests I wanted to put my attention too, such as creative projects, activities, kids.
Going into my 40’s I pulled right back on alchole, as this had a good hold on me for many years. Yet how I was using it to numb myself wasn’t good for me. It was a hard one to break and I fell backwards every now and then. Yet a couple of promises I made for myself was to not drink alone or when I wasn’t in a good mood – these I kept.
A couple of years ago, I intentionally made the decision to go celebyte (just writing that is uncomfortable). I / My body, got tired of attracting those who had no intention of growing, building anything with me, or it being the very thing they withdrew from over time, which eventually saw them leave all together. This part of me had many layers to it.
Last year I pulled back from reading books, so I could listen more to what I had to say for myself, my own thoughts, instead of constantly reading others thoughts.
This year alhcole was back to my attention, not because I was back drinking in a distructive way, but more so how my body was feeling and what it needed. I’ve enjoyed 4 drinks this year so far – celebratory cheers for a few friends birthdays. Other than that I don’t feel like one. Friends & I had lunch a few weekends ago, with not a drop of alchole and we laughed so much you may have thought we were drunk.
Im sharing this to say, your body always knows what it needs.
Sometimes it takes a while to pay attention to whats been asked of you.
Sometimes you need a good slap in the face to give you the wake you up call you need.
It’s so easy to take so many of these things as so called “normal” – “acceptable” because everyone does it. Some will say it’s abit intense, too far, haha to lighten up a little – But when one sees the way they’re moving through life is self-destructive in some way – change is needed, and not a slight adjustment, but a whole new way of being & doing.
It’s never the actual act or thing that’s the issue, it’s the attachment to it and what it means.
Maybe it’s how you connect with others to feel accepted.
It may give you a sense of happiness, fulfillment, confidence, release…for a moment.
It could be, you’ve learned to not trust yourself or your body to know what’s right for it.
Which leads to wondering…
Who are you without it?
Which is a beautiful question.
What I’ve found with these changes is, I’ve never once said, I’ll never do this again or I’ve stopped for good. I enjoy the flexiblity I’ve brought into my decisions. I don’t want to live a rigid life, but I also don’t want to waste my life with things that don’t fulfill me in a good healthy way. It’s living more intentionally.
By making these choices for myself, especially over the past couple of years, I’ve gained so much more clarity. My creativity is back in abundance, my health is strong, I feel more sensual within myself and it’s like I’ve gained new eyes and new ears. Cleaning the rivers to let it all flow.
As I walk towards my 46th year, I want to experience life’s fulfillments with full-hearted honesty for myself.
Life always has a way of bringing forward what’s required of you, so you can be taken to a place that’s good for you.