Last year I was booked in to see the Embrace documentary in Auckland but ended up in bed on the day it was showing. So last night after being inspired by Makaia Carr, I decided to watch it.
I have never gone through a physical body transformation quite like Makaia Carr & Taryn Brumfitt have done, instead my body transformation has been more mentally than physically. My body weight hasn’t changed a lot over the years, I have been both healthy & unhealthy and for most of my life I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror.
While watching it, I could relate to many of the responses Taryn had received after sharing her before & after photos.
– For years I didn’t swim at the beach with my daughter due to my body shame.
– I hid my body as much as I could from a past partner due to my body shame.
– I would weigh myself every day, hoping the numbers would change,
– And I would stand in the mirror wishing for another body.
Becoming a teenage mum, my body & mind was still maturing, and I can’t remember what it’s like not to have stretch marks on my tummy. For years I wanted to hide them. I felt if people saw them, I would be judged and looking at them made me feel unattractive and not beautiful.
I remember watching my daughter weigh herself one day when she was 10 years old and comment on her weight. She has always been a very tall girl, so her weight was always more than her peers. Hearing her speak like that about her body, was a huge slap in the face for me. I knew she was learning that all from me and how I saw myself. I didn’t want her growing up thinking the same as I did about my body.
That very day, I decided to make a change on how I saw my body.
I told her to get off the scales and we both went and threw them in the rubbish bin.
From that day, we have never weighed ourselves (apart from needing new passports and me during pregnancy checkups)
It’s been a journey and at times not an easy one. It pushed me outside of my comfort zone many times and still does on some occasions.
– I started to change the way I spoke about my body, speaking only kind words to it.
– When someone paid me a compliment, I would thank them.
– I went and bought a new bikini (something I had never worn before) and we went to the beach for a swim in the ocean together and it was a freaking amazing feeling. I now only wear bikini’s.
– I exercise purely for my health, to give me energy and in hope that it lengthens my life.
– I now go by how I feel in my body and my energy rather than how I look.
When I look back, I think about all the things I missed out on, simply because of the way I saw myself.
My before photo is me around the time I decided to make a change with how I viewed my body for my sake as well as my daughters. I was shy and nervous to be in front of the camera. I look at it now and wonder what did I worry about, but that was a time, I really didn’t like what I saw.
Then my after photo, just a few weeks ago (9 years on). Stripping down to bare more than I had ever done before. Yes I was still nervous but I was also very excited and love these portraits of me. I am so much more alive.
My body is wobbly, squishy and soft,
When I jump up and down when I’m naked, my bum claps and my kids think it’s the best thing ever.
I have kauri stump knees and legs with no shape what so ever
After breastfeeding 4 babies, I have crazy little boobs.
I now appreciate my stretch marks. They’re my natural tattoo that represents the life of 4 gorgeous humans.
This body of mine has been through a lot.
It’s got me through some very tough times & some very joyous times too.
This is my body and I love it.
As a photographer for women, I photograph women of all shapes and sizes.
And to me they honestly are all beautiful – each and every one of them.
It’s not about what you look like but more about who you are and what you love to do.
We are ALL so very different in our own amazing way.
Be kind to your body.
It gives you so much in life.
It’s a wonderful machine that needs love and attention from you first and foremost.
When you give it the love and attention it deserves, it will give you so much more in return.
Let’s stand next to each other with no judgement, just love for ourselves and love and appreciation for all women.
We have one body & one life so let’s live a little and enjoy it.
