Lifestyle, Personal, Still, She Rises

A LARGE COCKTAIL OF F#@%ed UP…

One Summers day in 2013, I was having one of those days, I was feeling lost, unsure of where I was heading really with my business, my purpose in life and I said to my husband at the time, ‘I need to go fishing’
(The way a man can understand ‘I need time out’)
So I took a pen & paper and headed to the beach where I sat for a few hours asking ‘What the hell do I really want to do with my life’.

As I sat with that question, I found myself really tuning into myself and then I wrote ‘I want to support women’.

As soon as I wrote those words, I felt all the feels in my body, my energy went from flat to zing within moments. I had no idea how exactly, I just knew that that’s what I wanted to do.

I had already started photographing women at that time, but I knew I wanted more than just to photograph women, yet I didn’t feel qualified to do so.

The more I photographed, the more I noticed about myself and others, and so I started to write…and the more I wrote the deeper I got, the more I shared, the more I learnt, the clearer things became for me.

As I nearly sign out of my studio for the very last time, I am excited. I am ready to take another step.
My photography brought me to here, but not my photography alone, my life experiences played a huge part in it also…

– Becoming pregnant at 17 with my first daughter and going on to parent her on my own 100% of the time.

– Experiencing domestic violence

– Studying for 2 years full time while I raised my daughter

– Nearly losing my life not once, but twice

– Suffering regular anxiety attacks & night terrors

– Moving to two cities knowing only 1 person or none at all

– Becoming a parent again in later years & learning to co-parent

– Marriage separation

– Healing relationships that meant the world to me

– Enduring other experiences that I chose a long time ago to not speak about.

– Building a business purely on my passion even though I had doubters.

– Going on to start another business that excites me also.

– Becoming a baba (nana) brought a new dimension to our family.

Sounds like a large cocktail of F#@%ed up right there hey,
Well, I’ll be honest, at different points, it sure was.
But trust me, there were a tonne of amazing moments stirred in, to balance it all out….a few are listed.

Would I go through it all again…I want to say a big fat ‘HELL NO’!
Yet without all these experiences, I would not at all be the women I am today.
It would not have brought me to the place I am today,
I even believe, it quite possibly, wouldn’t have brought photographing women into my world.

It has taken a while to realise I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me I’m qualified to support others, as there’s nothing quite like the experiences in life combined with the daily practice in your own life to make you qualified.

That list above, they are my lessons, I chose each and every single one of those experiences and I have learnt so much about who I am as a women because of it. That list, is what I experienced yes, but it is not my story anymore, it is my reason to want to support more women to become connected to themselves like they’ve never imagined they could ever be.

I am still learning a shit load, and I will continue to do so, because I make it my daily work to do so. Together we can all learn, the more we share, the more we open up, them more we all grow, the more possibilities are open for anyone who wants them.

So, as I transition, and begin to work on my ideas, my plans, incorporate all my passions, loves, reasons, together, I am feeling at peace with where I am, and excited for what’s to come.

A HUGE thank you to all my clients who chose me as their photographer. I can honestly say, you have all been amazing to work with, you have allowed me to do what I love, you have allowed me to grow in myself, in my business and I appreciate you for that. Thank you for your connection & your conversations.

If you have a feeling, a deep knowing of what you really want to do in life, please don’t hold back, make it your life’s mission to do what you love (something I learnt from both my parents) find a way, start working towards it even if that means one tiny step each day…you will eventually come to a place, a time when you can go even more into it.

Don’t give up on yourself.
Believe in yourself.
Forever and Always.

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